Ultimatum
by ejzah
Summary: "What you're saying to me, is that if I don't leave my job, you are leaving me," Speculative fic for episodes 9x23-24, 'A Line in the Sand' and 'Ninguna Salida'.


A/N: Speculation for season 9 finale, episodes 9x23-24, 'A Line in the Sand' and 'Ninguna Salida'. This is not a happy fic per se but it also isn't heartbreaking either. Deals with the Densi scene from the promo, I assume you know which one I mean. I do my best to reconcile the disjointed dialogue with my own theories and hopefully it all makes sense.

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Ultimatum

His heart has been in his throat and his pulse hasn't stopped racing since hearing Sam's pained 'I'm hit'. It's taking all his self-control to keep going and not break down then and there. Instead he focuses on the familiar task of collecting evidence and consulting with local law enforcement, mindless things he's done a thousand times before. It grounds him just enough to keep going, but in the back of his mind his thoughts are running in circles with questions of 'what if?'.

Kensi is nearby the whole time, in and out of the building where Sam was shot, in the boatshed and then again as they regroup at the hospital, hoping Sam will be conscious before they're forced to leave the country.

He can tell both Kensi and Callen are distraught about Sam, but they throw themselves into the mission, never deviating from their staunch belief that finding Darren Mosley is their responsibility.

Deeks is torn. Of course he wants to protect a child, how could he not? But he also keeps thinking of how easily this could be the mission that obliterates the team, the woman, he calls his family. Despite his outward appearance of calm, fear makes him desperate. It's as they head back down to the parking lot, as he thinks of Sam unmoving and hooked up to IV's and a heart monitor, that it comes to a head.

"Kens," he says softly, nodding to a spot a few feet away. Mosley and Callen are consulting with Sam's doctor and there are a few uninterested agents lingering by their agency vehicles so it will have to do privacy-wise. Kensi gives him a questioning look but follows him anyway.

In a moment of spontaneity, he pulls Kensi against him and presses a brief kiss to her lips. The taste of her only reaffirms his decision. Kensi lingers for a second, seeking comfort. When she pulls away reluctantly he murmurs,

"We can't keep doing this."

"What?" Kensi asks, frowning at the sudden change in his voice. For a second, he considers leaving this conversation for another, better time, but then he remembers that he's used the same excuse a dozen times before.

"Sam was shot. Again," Deeks clarifies as though either of them could ever forget the sight of Sam bleeding out in an abandoned building.

"But he'll be ok," Kensi repeats with such stubborn assuredness that Deeks nearly laughs. Instead, he shakes his head, gaining a few seconds to pull his thoughts together as he shoves a hand through his hair.

"Maybe," he allows. "But someday he won't be. Or maybe it will be Callen next time. Or one of us," he continues, his voice cracking as he loses some of his hard-won control.

"Deeks we've talked about this before–" Kensi begins, a note of exhaustion slipping through as she clearly wonders where this is all headed.

"Yeah, we talk about it, but we always put off making a decision until later." Kensi runs a hand through her hair and makes a frustrated sound.

"Then what do you suggest?" she bites out. Deeks clears his throat and finally speaks the words he been holding back for so long.

"After this we're done. One last mission and we're out." He feels momentary relief before Kensi huffs out a disbelieving laugh, her expression incredulous as she takes a step back.

"Deeks, you can't be serious."

"I am," he says, shaking his head again. "If we don't do it now we never will and I am…" He sucks in a short breath, "so sick of worrying about what's going to happen to you, to us. It's killing me."

"I'm not ready. You know that," Kensi says.

Well, I can't take it anymore," he says firmly. "I can't keep living like this, constantly worrying, and I won't." Kensi stumbles back another step, shock in her eyes.

"What you're saying to me, is that if I don't leave my job, you are leaving me," she concludes, her voice shaking with unshed tears. Deeks feels tears spring to his own eyes, too stunned by Kensi's words to say anything. It's long enough for Kensi to take it as affirmation though and in a second her face hardens and she begins walking away from him.

She's several yards away when his brain restarts.

"Kensi!" he shouts, not caring that several agents are now watching the unfolding drama with mild interest. "Kensi," he repeats, breaking into a quick jog to catch up with her.

He reaches out to grab her arm, anticipating her resistance as she pulls away, but keeping a firm enough grip to spin her around.

"Kensi, would you just listen for one second?" Her face is closed off even if she can't stop the trail of tears making a path down her cheeks.

"You're asking me to choose, what else is there to listen to?" she asks tightly.

"Kensi, that is not what I meant and said," he says earnestly, rubbing between his eyebrows.

"It sounded like an ultimatum to me," Kensi argues with a hint of emotion this time.

"I would never do that to you. I can't believe you think I would leave you," Deeks says, unable to contain a touch of hurt from entering his voice.

"Deeks, you just asked me to leave NCIS with you. You said you don't want to do this anymore, what else am I supposed to think?" Kensi says, throwing her hands up in the air. Deeks sucks in a breath, gathering his thoughts again before he responds.

"The last 12 hours have been horrific and I panicked. I don't really expect you to leave tomorrow or the next day or whenever this op is over, but I did mean it when I said I can't keep doing this."

"I don't know what you want from me, Deeks?" Kensi says helplessly, her posture slumping and her face crumping once more as she gives in to the tears she's been fighting. Deeks opens his arms and she steps forward, leaning into his embrace. He feels her wipe her face against his shoulder.

"I think we need to talk, actually talk instead of talking about talking, when we're done with this mission. I don't want you to have to choose between us and what you love doing, but I also know I can't keep worrying about you all the time," he whispers, against Kensi's hair. Kensi sucks in an unsteady and squeezes his back before she straightens slightly.

"Ok," she says hoarsely. "We'll talk." He nods and pulls Kensi into him again and silently prays they make it through to have that talk.

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A/N: I watched the promo about eight times and it looks like Kensi and Deeks are in a parking garage. I might be wrong, but I decided it belonged to the hospital where Sam's being treated. I probably am wrong.


End file.
